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Dr. David Rosenthal, Psy.D.
Licensed Professional Counselor
8302 Indiana Avenue,
Suite 11
Lubbock TX 79423
Phone (806) 799-3188
Fax (806) 799-3190 |
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My experience with couples has been that most come to counseling too late. By the time they show up in the counselor’s office, irreparable damage has, more often than not, already been done. What’s the excuse? “We cannot afford to go to counseling!” is what I have heard most of the time. And yet the very next visit from my office is to the attorney’s where a $3000-$5000 initial cash retainer is not unusual.
In a marriage today, the odds are against you. One-half of first marriages wind up in divorce court and 75% of second and subsequent marriages also fail. What is the answer? First, pre-marital counseling is crucial if a marriage is expected to last. I ask those that avail themselves of pre-marital counseling to fully consider that the person with whom they are coming to counseling with may not be the right partner for them. Second, sometimes an occasional check-up or periodic annual check-up with a professional can help ward off the termination of a relationship by nipping problems in the bud. Lastly, when a marriage first starts to experience serious problems is when a counselor should be called in, not after the last straw.Please note the biggest destroyers of marriage tend to be the following from my experience:
Financial disagreements and not enough money: Many of the couples I have seen you would think that their income was very adequate, however they have invariably failed to control their outgo by leveraging their finances to the max with large credit balances hanging over them. This will kill a relationship by itself left unchecked.
Harsh criticism and blame: This is the first step in the destruction of any kind of normal or satisfying sex life. No relationship can live through harsh criticism and blame directed towards each other.
Lack of a common vision for the marriage: Aim at nothing and you will surely hit it. Most marriages are not consciously seeking common goals and dreams, hence a lack of satisfaction ensues and remains over time.
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"When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves."
Victor Frankl
"Whenever we seek to avoid the responsibility for our own behavior, we do so by attempting to give that responsibility to some other individual or organization or entity. But this means we then give away our power to that entity."
M.Scott Peck
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity.... It turns problems into gifts, failures into success, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today and creates a vision for tomorrow."
Melodie Beattie
"Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves."
Carl Jung
"We are never so defensless against suffering as when we love."
Sigmund Freud
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Couples
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